“He says appointment like disappointment”

Chicken and egg man is the one who pronounced appointment and disappointment like they were interchangeable words. He also could not shut up about the chicken and egg analogy, hence the name, and hence my headache. You see, chicken and egg man was not some rando on the street or holistic instagram health coach, my man was, I assume, a legitimate doctor. Could one say #concerning?

I had an appointment with the mental health adviser attached to my GP surgery, and for someone whose only job is to be educated on mental health he wasn’t exactly excelling in it. He just kept saying the words ‘committed suicide’. Now I don’t really have a problem with people not knowing that that kind of language is no longer considered acceptable or kind, because until it happened to me I said it too. That being said, someone whose whole job is to be aware, well read and mental health conscious, it was pretty embarrassing he couldn’t get the very basics right!

At that point in my life, dare I say grief journey (ick lol), I was dealing with a lot of hyperawareness and anxiety to the point it was stopping me leaving the house. He felt I should see an occupational therapist but also a bereavement counsellor, problem was he couldn’t decide which first, as apparently you aren’t allowed to do it at the same time. This is where his chicken and egg thing came in and boy could he not shut up about it. Chicken and egg became an analogy for ‘I’m not sure what will be most helpful.’ And when I say analogy, I mean actuality because those are the words he actually spoke to me. Another corker was “I can’t diagnose you, but even if I could, I can’t think what I would diagnose you as.” The only thing that really saved it for me was the first note I wrote down which became the title of this article: “He says appointment like disappointment lol.” If only I’d known how true it was about to be. He’d practically given himself a linguistic flashing red light on his head screaming a warning that he was offering exclusively disappointing appointments.

This isn’t to say that I wasn’t eventually helped by a free service that is incredibly overstretched, underfunded and exceptionally needed. However, if there is one thing to learn here it’s leave your chickens at home, save your use of the word committed for crimes and when someone says they’ll disappoint you, believe them.

Oh and eat your eggs however you like em.